Once in a While: 2009

Jan 3, 1994
Hi!
It's an year since I got your last letter. Do remember to write if your address changes because occasionally I write after a very long time!
I'm still home, training as a copywriter. Since I left my part time job end May, I've done a rock show, a media exhibition and an education supplement for a newspaper - all for different companies. I joined them intending to stay, but kept leaving.
I know you're with Business Opinion. Am I right? What's your brother doing? Shikha was a media planner in an NGO till early this year.
I bought this New Year card last month, but didn't get time to write until now. My "Mangalore friend" isn't mine anymore - I just heard. So I need to move from here with a vengeance. I'm waiting to finish my training. How's life? Write about it soon.
Lots of love
Maya

Jan 31, 1994
Bombay
My dear Maya
Yes, it's almost one year since your last letter. And it was, of course, a very very special surprise in a new year which otherwise started on a very dull note.
Let me wish you a happy new year before it is too late. I know it is already a bit late. But you had sent the card to the place I stayed a year ago. After that, my address changed two times, the latest being just two months ago. This afternoon, I happened to go there, and I was given your card. And here I am, replying even without a day's delay!
As you know, I'm at Business Opinion and the work is quite tough, but I am enjoying it. We are coming out with our Bombay edition in February. So there is a lot of work and excitement awaiting me.
Who was that Shikha you write about? I'm unable to place her. Forgive me - I have a very poor memory - perhaps a good quality? Give her my regards anyway.
I am not sure if I should be asking. But what happened to the Mangalore friend..You had mentioned it in your letter.
Anyway, take it easy. Maybe it could be for the better. Again, I apologise if I have hurt you even unintentionally.
And now that it is over, let me tell you something. Something which I wanted to tell you long ago. But since you had someone in mind, I didn't want to come in between.
Ever since I met you at the campus, I had thought of you and liked you as a very special person. Always felt we had a lot in common and much more for each other.
But then, I got too involved in a job and a career. And these three years did bring me enough money and prestige. That has also helped me to set up a small beautiful house. I WOULD LIKE YOU TO COME AND MAKE IT A "HOME." For sure, I would be the happiest being to have you as mine. Listen, you are not going to say NO to this and let me down, ok.
Forgive my style, perhaps it is too blunt. But then, I am not too experienced. Am trying it for the first time. People say it's high time I learnt. Maybe they knew I should be writing such unusual letters soon.
We need to talk more. Send me your telephone numbers. Also tell me when you would be available. I'll wait for your letter. Send me the good news before Business Opinion comes to Bombay. I want to beat it.
With lots of love
Vinod

Insight, Hyderabad
Feb 4 1994, 1 pm
Dear Vinod
Guess why I wrote a little preamble and darkened and over-wrote the address. I'm rather at a loss for words.
Insight's the ad agency I joined Dec 20 as trainee copywriter. It's 2 pm now(I started writing at 1 pm). I'd gone shopping meanwhile with the other six girls here.
"Shikha's" my sister. If you say you have a poor memory, are u sure you remember someone you last met three years ago? Me.
Three years is a long time. Enough for changes. Therefore, it's very true that "we need to talk more." Until I do, I wouldn't know just what to say. My number is 8---.
I'm home usually after 6.30 pm, but everyone else is too. Phone calls are something that everyone at home crowds around. I do prefer writing, for now, instead of an inanimate phone line. Seeing you would be the ultimate, but impossible now. If you call and I sound abrupt, I'd like you to understand someone was around.
I got your letter Feb 2. I'd have written at once, like you did, if I'd known what to. It's simply because I don't make major decisions now alone. My parents have been wild with me because of a past relationship which they hated.
If everyone's OK and you're OK, I'm OK.
Can I stop writing about this now - I might say the wrong thing because I'm unprepared. If you'd tell me exactly what I should next do, I'd see if I could manage it. If none of this letter makes sense, tell me.
(One way I've changed since I broke up is that I startle easily. One of the artists just crept up behind and scared me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. People here do it often, knowing I will be startled!)
You aren't an impulsive person who has second thoughts, are you? If you'd tell me that and if you can tell me that I can speak to my cousin, I'd be hugely relieved. He's been my mentor the past three years. Anyway, it's already February and time for your paper to launch, perhaps a bit late to beat it!
Love
Maya

Bombay
21 2 1994
My dear Maya
After talking to you a few hours back, I don't know what is there to be written. Neither am I too sure as to whether I'm replying to your letter or just writing.
And this time around, it is me who is at a loss for words. I got your letter on Friday - exactly a week after it was posted. Now tell me, after writing it on the 4th, why did you wait till the 12th to post it? I hope it didn't have anything to do with your being sure about yourself. In fact, I tried calling you on Saturday, but I couldn't get through.
I'm sorry about forgetting your sister's name. But you haven't told me much about her either. And then I didn't imagine she had grown enough to be working already. I have been so used to hearing about your youngest sister who objects to my describing her as "little." But that apart, I am pretty sure of my memories of someone whom I met last not more than three years ago. Still..we need to talk more(also, may be you'll get used to this stranger soon).
When I first read your letter..frankly, it didn't make sense to me. It took me three readings to figure out what you wanted to say. You put it so subtly and yet so nicely.
Of course, I understand what you mean by saying, "If everyone's OK and you're OK, I'm OK." And that's the way I want it. I've no problem if you talk to your cousin, or even your parents, if you think you won't mess it up. Otherwise you can wait till I come down, and then I will meet them. I wasn't planning to come South until December. But now suddenly I've started missing you. Let me see if I can make it towards the end of March. It will be great to be with you on your birthday this year. Don't worry, I know the date!
Before that, I've got to speak to my parents.Not that they'll object but I want to make sure they don't feel hurt - and they might, if they hear I've decided without telling them. And that too when they have left the choice to me(Maybe they know it is too tough to find a girl to my specifications). "A Christian and should be able to speak Malayalam." These are the only two conditions. You qualify for both. My mother talks a lot. And I'm sure she wouldn't like the idea of having to "act" in front of her daughter(in law?).
Now to answer your question. I don't think I'm that impulsive a person to have second thoughts. And I don't see any reason why I should - unless you give me one. There is only one thing I want you to be sure about. I know how it feels to know you've been let down. And at such a stage, it is but natural to hold on to whatever's in sight. There's nothing wrong with that. But make sure it's not just that alone. That you really mean and want what you've said. That's why I said you could take as much time as you want to think. Shit..this reads more like one of those psychology columns. I'd better stop
When you write(which you are not going to do after a week) tell me more about you, your work, your family and all that's there. And better get back to that old style, when you would write to me in detail about all kinds of silly things. That's the way I like you - always restless and a bit naughty. Till then, I love you
Vinod
PS: What if everyone's not OK, but you and I are. Not that it will happen. But just in case...I'm sure you'll still be there. Having believed you're mine, I don't want to think otherwise.

Feb 25
Dear Vinod
I just found your letter at home. I was late back as I'd gone out with Gayatri(the girl who said hi to you on the phone yesterday). I called my cousin's(Timy's) sharebroker Kurien because I needed to talk to him more about this. Kurien and Timy were chiefly instrumental in ending my last relationship. (Kurien is also the organiser of the rock show I helped with last year). So they're now in on building my future!
Timy and I haven't sat down to talk. He just had enough time to tell me I don't have to say NO, because my father seems alright. Daddy told Timy that he's met you and your uncle, the priest. Timy says he will handle it and not to do anything silly like jump in before he says so. I've got to listen to them because I wasn't too clever last time. This letter will be the last time I talk about "last time." I've wiped it out of memory but I think you deserve a few facts.
Since the beginning of 1993, I'd started listening to my family and friends who'd been trying to tell me something since Apr 89. When I got home from hostel, I began realising the fallouts of going in for a relationship which was absolutely disastrous for my family, for my dad and uncles mainly.Though I'm not too clear on why. So Timy and Kurien made us promise we wouldn't keep in touch until we were ready to live with each other. Not keeping in touch broke it. It didn't have a strong foundation of trust and family compatibility. My father could not accept it and my uncles had quarrelled with his family.
Finally in October or so, Timy and Kurien spoke to both of us in a joint conference where we made the promise. After that, we never met until he called to tell me his people had arranged his wedding with a girl who was visiting from the US and was returning soon. So he was married end of '93 while he was still studying and had a year more to go. I never got religious for him in those four years.
END OF CHAPTER
As soon as you got my New Year card, how could you reply without a day's delay with a proposal? I didn't post my reply after writing it as I was waiting for Timy to tell me what to do. I couldn't meet him - he only called to say I don't have to say NO but not to say yes until he sees you! Promise not to tell him I told you? That's why I wrote a vague reply. Which didn't really say yes, but you took it that way!
You say we aren't inter-caste. But I thought you were Roman Catholic. And we're Knanaya, which is an endogamous community. It doesn't make a difference to me, but I wasn't sure about my people. No more hurting them.
Did your parents really leave your choice to you? They must be wonderful. If you have such "tough specifications," how come me? I'm not fishing for compliments, but I'd really like re-assurance. My specifications: love, security, communication and happiness forever. Sounds like a fairy tale.
I was your classmate two years, but honestly never thought of you in another capacity then. So if we're together even for half an hour, it'd really help. Now, am I getting vaguer? I'll tell you one thing: someone else proposed the week you did, and I said no without hesitation. If my first impulse is no, I'll usually say it. Yet, I don't want to make this decision on my own. I'd like it planned by Timy and well-thought out by both of you. It's your life. Don't let me mess it up.
Your first letter's so well-crumpled as I sometimes carried it around to think better. Once I'm through this, I can relieve Timy of the necessity of being my spokesperson. Don't get too bugged that I need him for a decision, but my family's important now.
I did the media exhibition for a month on Saudi and Indian media. I did the education supplement for a month, writing and marketing it. I left both for personal reasons: the first place was like a school and the second boss was married, but lecherous, and I was the only female around. You'll find me much more aware of other people now than when I was at Uni. I'm a little wary. In office, they call me quiet, also "Thumbelina" and "kunjumol." Does that give you a hint of how I look now - you wondered, remember, on your first call? How about you?
I can cook scrambled, poached, omelette, fried, sunnyside up eggs, boil rice and water. Once each, I've made : veg soup, veg chowmein, beef, potato, kovakka. I can make tolerable coffee, tea and lemonade, kind of. So you have a choice: coffee, tea or me. If you decide to marry me, tell me two months ahead. I'll do a crash course with my aunt, Timy's mom. She's been trying the past 25 years. By the way, which year were you born? And you really "haven't tried this before?" I remember your last letter said something about a relationship that was a fiasco. (Curiosity killed the cat!)
I keep wandering through different topics. My dad's working half a day now, so he gets to pick up the morning mail. Apparently he saw your Business Opinion envelope, thought it was a job offer and happened to see the relevant paragraph through the cover(I don't have the cover. Why don't you check if that's possible?) So he and my mom kept subtly trying to find out from Timy if he knew anything. I called him as soon as I got your letter, spineless me. Timy stalled around, but finally explained a bit to them. My mom told Timy that my dad was unusually calm about it. He's usually a tough nut to crack - do you know we don't communicate well? They made Timy promise he would not tell me that they saw your letter. He broke the promise as I was "frank" with him. I think Timy's told my younger uncle( who's also in Hyderabad). So I'll leave you men to decide my future.
Remember I told you that you're like my dad? But please - not a tough nut to crack! What did you do to him on the train? That's where you met him - on your way to Bombay while I was on my way to my grandmother's. He usually likes talking to young men, not having any sons.
You've just asked me without hinting to your family? Oh, to be a guy and in control...
9.10 pm: Just finished dinner. Chilli cheese toast, rice n channa. I've given Timy a photo of us with Brad in front of someone's samadhi. All of us are squatting, Brad's in prayer mode, you're normal and I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat with eyes all scrunched up. Timy said, "It shows in the way he's sitting." If you're wondering what he means, try seeing the photo. Brad sent it to me recently, so you could ask him a copy. I don't think Brad has guessed anything. It's probably his usual impish teasing. Say hi to him and whoever's left over in Bombay.
Vinod, I'm just writing and writing as you've granted permission to write "silly" things in my "old" way(I'm silly, am I? Just you wait). If there's any reason for this not to work, I trust you won't be wild that I didn't just rebel and walk out(I'm not rebelling) after I talked so freely to you. I'm keeping an open mind, waiting for someone at home to say something, for you to come, for your family to know...it's not over till it's all done. I hope you're thinking of it the same way. Forgive me for not saying I love you now. Those words are precious and I'll wait until I legally belong, or at least with our families' consent.
I'm glad I put my last letter "subtly and yet nicely," and hope I haven't been clumsy this time.
Your letter was nice, thank you. You reiterated my schoolmates' complaint about my being "vague" in my last letter. It was their favourite adjective for me. The last close friend among my schoolmates got married Feb 7. I went to Bangalore for one of the ceremonies. I was at a pub the night of Feb 6. I think you'd better tell me your habits. I'm aware you're not a teetotaller. Actually, just tell me yourself. I get drunk on half a mug of beer. I think I can't be open as I usually am - or can I.
I'm not going to talk to my parents, of course. Timy probably will. "Suddenly" you've started missing me. That means you haven't missed me before! You "didn't want to come in between," I know.
I can't remember having my birthday and Easter together before. Your mother talks a lot? What about? Please tell me more about her.
I know you're not impulsive. After I asked you about that, I read Linda Goodman on the Cancerian male. Cancerians are very well-planned and careful! So Goodman says you're not impulsive. While I was doing my degree, there was a Cancerian proposal - or am I not supposed to tell you this? I'd better take a marriage counselling course.
So - write soon and take care.
Love
Maya

Bombay
Mar 4, 94
My dear Maya
Thanks a lot for that long letter. That was exactly what I waited for - your real self. Now don't change it ever. Keep telling me all that's happening to you. These days work is so hectic that I have a hundred things to tell you every evening. But I don't think I'll manage to do that through letters. Once you're here, you'll have to suffer more of that.
Now that reminds me. You'd asked if there's anything you shouldn't tell me (" I think I can't be as open as I normally am - or can I?") I've been trying to think if there was anything I wouldn't like you to tell..so keep on writing. And that will help us trust each other more. And that matters(But I can't think of you getting drunk. So stick to just a quarter mug beer as you said).
When I said you were silly and restless, they were compliments. I like you that way. I can't think of you being very serious or angry. I'd rather keep off, in that case. So don't, for heaven's sake.
I know you're curious to know more about that "fiasco," as you called it. And it was one. Could we talk more when we meet - I prefer talking. But very briefly, it began mid-Feb and ended in a month on Mar 30, 92.We had different perceptions on what it meant to belong. Maybe when it comes to my girl, I'm a bit possessive. With all the exposure and openness I have, I am still too small-minded to think of having to share my girl. Anyway we will talk about it more. Since then, I was reluctant to take a chance. And now, perhaps, you would know why I said it matters a lot to have trust.
Don't ask me how I could reply to your card without a day's delay. Even I don't seem to know the answer. But I knew I wanted to. And I did. Am not going to regret it ever.
You've asked me so many questions that I can't make this a letter. This will look more like an answer sheet. So here we go - I am a Roman Catholic born in 1967. And the "tough specifications" I don't think are tough since we think alike. They are just the things you wanted - love, communication, happiness, faithfulness and that long list I am sure one can't ask for unless one is willing to give it. So there - you're through.
Who are all these mad guys proposing to you? Looks like you are in great demand. Tell them all to keep off, now that I'm here. I suppose I should consider myself lucky not to be eliminated in the first round itself. Thank you for that - if I should be formal! You're being sensible. Believe me - I won't let you down.
Don't take what I told you on the phone about the 'crash course' too seriously. I was just joking. I'm not looking for a cook or maidservant. And I'm sure you will learn. We will learn together once you come here. It will be fun doing it together. I wouldn't even mind some burnt food if you are experimenting. My food now - it is rather interesting. The toaster is one equipment I use frequently. By the way, I have a proper well-equipped kitchen. I'd prefer handing over charge as early as possible.
Then my habits. You know I drink. But normally I stick to one drink(though I've had two today - sorry). And you also know I don't smoke. But if you didn't know - I don't. I go to the Press Club once in a while. Last month, I went to one of those Bombay caberetts, is that how it's spelt?
If you wanted to go for a marriage counselling course, there is one here next week. Maybe we could go for one together later.
My mother talks about a lot of things. I'm sure she'll like you. Just be yourself - and that's all. And maybe I'll have to wrap you in a sari for a few days. That we can manage. My father too is very simple. He'd love seeing you, having no daughters. I think I've already written about my only brother. He' s studying now and at home. And he's sweet. We still call him "koche."
Shashi's here and he tells me he might come to Hyderabad. If so, shall I give him your number?
Your saying "forgive me for not saying I love you now" meant much more than it would have if you actually did. And yet, you've managed to keep it for a more appropriate time. I liked it. You're sweet.
It's 2.30 now . I should sleep and go to work tomorrow. Take care
With lots of love
Vinod
PS: I forgot to ask you something. What do you think of a job which will bring us a lot of money but won't let me come home before 12 at night? There are a lot of vacancies in the electronic sector(TV precisely). How's that?

Vinod takes an early trip down South. They meet and he visits Maya's home. He's now at his parents' home to tell them about his girl.

Dear Vinod
I'm not sure if I should be writing to your home, but this is the least I can do to thank you for calling me so soon after you arrived at your parents'.
All of today was so full. I had to attend a colleague's wedding and couldn't go to church, so the choir was missing one person. I had one breakfast at home, one at Gayatri's, a little lunch at the wedding, a proper lunch(again at Gai's) and tea at a choir member's house. We got home half an hour ago.
Tea was at a prayer meeting. Our choir is very close-knit. We attend each other's important moments. After the tea, we practised for Palm Sunday and I was thinking that it would be the last Jacobite Palm Sunday in Hyderabad. I never told anyone as I didn't want to create a scene till it's finally confirmed. One of the male members already knows. After practice, I told the senior-most woman member that I won't be in the choir next Sunday as I would be in Kerala so your parents could see me. She's a very sweet woman and will keep it to herself. All these are people you must meet, but I don't know when.
I won't ask any questions in this letter as I can ask directly next Saturday. When I returned home Friday after seeing you off to Kerala, my mom said,"You should have told me you were going to the railway station." That's all she said. And I found the watch you gave me on the top of my cupboard. So I guessed my cousin had been home and told my parents and showed them the watch. He called me just before 10 when I'd fallen asleep and said he had told them, but I was too sleepy to talk. They haven't spoken about you yet, except a single very vague sentence from my mom about how I'd have to book a ticket early or I won't get it. She never said to where, but she, of course, meant my visit to see your parents.
I never told you, but I hadn't slept much the last two weeks because of work and mostly because I was thinking about my decision. The second letter which you haven't received tells you about it.

Vinod is on his way back to Bombay after visiting Maya on his way back from his parents', while Maya prepares to go to Kerala for a bride-seeing ceremony
Dear Vinod
I'm using your golden pen. This morning, I found it on our terrace. I remember slipping it onto your shirt. It must have fallen off during the evening! Now you don't have a pen at all. That's very inconsiderate of me - to leave my favourite journalist penless.
I guess you're now sitting opposite the woman on the train whose sandals you liked. I suppose you're keeping your eyes above an acceptable level. Gayatri says you don't look women up and down, especially down, like I said. I suppose you did that only with me. She says at first glance, she knew you were sweet. I can't remember what I thought at first glance in Oct 88. I've told her all the details about our weekend as she wanted me to.
Now it's 3.45 pm. Haven't done much work. I'm feeling very sleepy. Production Exec asked why my face is looking small today. Gayatri piped up, "Because he's not here!"
This evening we're to go see a movie - Hot Shots. I don't want to, but apparently I made a promise Saturday. So Gai and I are going. Probably with Dina, the girl I've beat to marriage. She'll be married in June, a month after us.
I love you. I wonder what you're upto on the train. Next time you go back, you won't be alone. I suppose you're thinking of what we'll do then.
There's something I'll ask you at the beginning of May. I hope it strikes you to ask me the same thing before then, so that I don't have to be the first to bring it up. It's not about me alone or about you, but about both of us together.
Tue, 9.20 am: Got an ad to write. Been missing you, especially in the second half of yesterday's movie, when I lost concentration. Perhaps you've reached Bombay by now. I hope you find both my last letters. I am trying to imagine our friend Brad's reaction when he knows. Perhaps I ought to write him sometime. Tell him I will, the moment I get time. Anyway, you'll be telling him all about it. Don't forget to tell me all our classmates' reactions.
Gayatri and Diya were so thrilled. So was Gai's mom. She says if I'm lucky, so are you! I have lots of people to tell.
I wonder what I should speak to your mom - "ammachy." It's confusing, calling both my grandmothers the same way I call your mom.
I'm sorry I didn't say much when you were leaving. Too overwhelmed for words. Say a big hello to your Bombay friends, Mr and Mrs Kuruvilla, and their kids. Tell them I love you. And tell yourself too. Write soon.
With all my love
Maya

Mar 30, 3pm
(Mal script) Priyapetta Vinod
I've never felt so unproductive before. I simply complete any job I get and then sit back. My copy chief's also jobless. Slack season, they call it. Thanks for calling. What did we do that made your travelling companion think we're just married? I'm sure she never saw us kissing(that's not the right word for just RECEIVING kisses, like you did. The word will have to wait till I find a better one).
Again I'm using the wrong kind of paper..a rag...but this is an impromptu decision to write.
Tomorrow morning I will be at church for Maundy Thursday. Sheela says you will call me on Apr 3 afternoon because you wake up late. How late DO you wake up? It's ok if you call after 10 pm also, but I shouldn't be telling you what to do on my birthday! Since it's Easter, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. Gai says hi..she caught me writing.
7.40pm: I couldn't concentrate on Vikram Seth. I couldn't tell you that when you just called, so I had to write it - I love you. Very, very much. Now I'm sitting on the balcony, having eaten a boiled egg, son papdi and fruit bread. I wonder what you ate. If you eat out all the time till I come, it might not be good for you. What time do you sleep? You're planning so many things this evening - Kuruvillas' home, picking up my letter, writing a letter - that I wonder how you will finish them all. My parents have gone out for a funeral, not to buy anything for US as I just told you. My sisters went out for my birthday presents - a makeup kit from Shikha and nail polish remover from Sheela. I secretly found this out from Sheela! I shan't disturb her till her exams finish on 19th. So I won't discuss us with her.
Rafa - everyone's favourite little boy - called for news. He kept telling me "Don't change" and said you're a very nice guy, without my asking him. He says Timy's very happy(He helps with Timy's shares).
Are you really telling everyone I'm a great singer? You shouldn't build up false hopes. How come you go to listen to practices? Are there any females in the choir there? Is it Malayalam or English? I'd prefer Malayalam. I'm NOT a trained singer, or a natural nightingale. I'm just ok. Well, I love you anyway. I think I can bear it till May 29. Yesterday was exactly two months to our wedding, if that's the date.
PS: I'm incredibly bored. Feeling unfulfilled. I feel this is a dream as nothing has happened since you left.
Gayatri says it's more romantic to use a letter pad, but this is the best I can find now. I have one at home. It's Gai's early birthday present, for writing to you. Remember you gave me one for my birthday once? I've preserved the Mickey Mouse cover and some message you wrote on the front.
By evening, I'm supposed to have created a recruitment ad. Nothing more. It's too casual here. My senior's taken the afternoon off. Anyway trainees don't take off. I'm the only one who has, and I'm the newest of the three - trainee copywriter(me), visualiser(Gai) and account executive(another girl).
I'll post this first post tomorrow. If this letter doesn't reach you soon, I'm going to scream at someone.
Vinod. Just felt like writing your name.
If the photo in which you're lying on a bed shows your current home, it's more than enough. What are those miniature booze bottles doing at your head? I figured out the music system on one side but not what's on the other side. How come you got a double bed so early? I hope you work hard till I come, so you don't have to work hard at least a little while after I come. I might miss you if you spend too much time at work. By the way, I love you. This is uccha vattu(Mal script). Do correct my Malayalam, so I can write enough to your mom.
How cool you were this weekend. Acting strong and macho while I went a li'l mad. My toes itch to do to you what I said I would on the train. I think you got the wrong idea when I said that then. If I'm being vague, check with me later and we'll refer back to this letter. I hope you're keeping my letters. I plan to share our letters with our grandchildren. For that, I think I should use better paper. They might think we're old fashioned to write such sober letters. Perhaps I should make them more exciting. I need to know first if you're getting my letters.
I've told only four girls in my office about us. Haven't told my senior we're getting married in May.
Try to find Don's address, will you? I know he's left priesthood. But long ago, he told me he'll conduct my wedding. Perhaps he should be there as it's Roman Catholic.
You don't have to think you talked too much about music. It's just that we had such little time this weekend alone, and when you spoke of music, I was thinking of us.

Thu, Mar 31, 8.10pm
Dearest
You wouldn't believe how much I'm missing you. I'll be quite useless unless I see you, I think. Trying to read or write or pray doesn't work. I'm worried about my letters. Two missing in a row sounds fishy.
Sheela tells me our parents called you and you specified a cream veil. She says two of my nieces are to be bridesmaids. I thought you said "no veil." Well, I don't mind. My parents called you before I returned from office, before 6 - how deliberate. Sheela says shopping's to begin after your parents see me. I'll be taken along, it seems, to get my "cream bridal sari with work on it"(you told my family that white is sick? I think so too, thank God). One day for saris, one for jewels and one for accessories and the rest of my trousseau. How would we lug it all to Bombay?
Yesterday I received Brad's birthday card with no mention about us. Probably sent before you reached Bombay. Today at church I complained to my friends how no one congratulated me and everyone acted like it's a funeral. One aunty said she congratulated God and daddy. The others said I don't understand their sangadam. One young boy said they're happy I'm leaving, but are trying not to show it. What do I do with such people. Today I had Communion(is that what they call eating appam?)
If you ask me once more if I'm having second thoughts, even teasingly, I'll come right up to Bombay and live in sin with you. It hurts when you say that. What did you think I meant when I said,"I've already given you SOMEthing." And you replied like you understood - "And I'm not giving it back." If you know exactly what the thing is, I'll be so wonderfully happy. It's lovely to be understood.
You said if you made a promise(you were then talking of booze), you'll keep it up. So promise me - we'll always be happy. I'll work hard at it. The most wonderful words created are, I think, "I love you." I hope we don't forget them ever. And that we keep using them, not as a formality. I love you.
I wish my letters wouldn't get lost. I might not repeat important things I've already mentioned, thinking I might have mentioned them already in letters you haven't received. Complicated thought here! I hope you understand. Like you did in Timy's living room when I sat on the chair opposite you and Timy thought I had a headache but you said we'll go out. Like you understood when I said I've already given you SOMEthing. Write back what you thought I meant by that.
I made a list of my own invitees today. I've reached around 100 so far(Average 100 x 3 is 300 people). And I keep finding new people. My parents will surely have a longer list. But not all of them can come for the wedding. I haven't yet thought of relatives. Millions of them. I don't particularly want all to come.
I woke today at 4.30 am for church.
Apr 3, 7.40pm: I wish I'd been here when you called yesterday. I'd been to Diya's place for lunch, stayed on till 6.15 pm and then met my parents to buy a pink printed silk, narrow gold border and "little nude men"(Gayatri's words!). Actually the men are very tiny and just outlines, like hieroglyphics. I wouldn't scandalise ammachy. The sari's to wear Saturday to meet her, my first trousseau piece. Everyone's started advising me on clothes. My aunts would like to be in on the action. I told my mother, "Leave jewellery to the aunts totally - I hate gold - but don't have too many people giving opinions on clothes. I want what I'm comfortable with." There's going to be a lot of protocol problems. They began with,"Why printed silk? You should have got tussore.." whatever that is. And "Why 2x2 cloth for blouses?" after I bought it.
I wanted to write your mom before I met her, but to write Malayalam might create havoc. Today I wore your mom's gift altered, and Timy's mom said,"At last, you're wearing a decent dress!" Wearing the watch you gave and the salwar she gave on my birthday gave me a feeling of belonging. Would you write at once - PLEASE - and tell ammachy that there are many things I would like to write but I can only read and talk Malayalam, so I'm looking forward to 9th. The fact is, I'm nervous about 9th! In a way, also looking forward to it.
My birthday was quiet. Gayatri was here for lunch and said I'm dull. My friend Bino's brother, Prijo, called to wish, and said the same thing. On the 7th, we're having a party for the original choir members. Beans, my Roman Catholic neighbour, sent me an exquisite basket of yellow and red roses. I wanted to tell you I love you on the phone but couldn't. I wish my parents had given you Diya's number when you called yesterday. Diya and I were having a long chat. I did something for her that she wanted to keep secret. So I won't write it, but since I needn't keep secrets from my husband, I will tell you when I meet you.
I thought I'd slowly begin deciding what to take and what to leave behind. I suppose we can leave some stuff in the luggage van? If we're going to just take suitcases, I have to fix priorities. I sorted my greeting cards into piles: VIP, special, nice memories, relatives..Gayatri and I did it today and I found five from you. Are we going to Delhi first after formalities or do we have time for a cooler place? Vinod sweetheart, I'm VERY nervous about 9th. I'm trying hard not to think of it.
By now, you've probably met my cousins and Anitachechi..Tell me about it. You seem to enjoy meeting people. Perhaps I was selfish last weekend - I didn't want to share you. I hadn't had my fill, so I was sulking. Shan't do it, if I'm allowed my fill. Is that alright?
Poor Kuruvilla's wife. She seems to be forever feeding you. She doesn't have to do it too long. Perhaps in Bombay we'll do this - have small groups every alternate night for dinner till everyone meets me. It will hone my cooking skills too! Today I chopped onions, carrots and chillies. Mummy has holidays from Apr 22. So I'll learn then.
I'm feeling rather out of touch with you. Phone calls leave me with a wonderful after glow, but if I have letters which are physically present, I feel tangibly loved. I haven't received your letter in ages. I know it's because you were here - I'm just shooting my mouth off.
Diya wants to collect nightwear and even you asked what I'm WEARING "after the wedding"(what a way of putting it!) I don't understand this big deal about what you WEAR at night. Do our ideas on this differ? I'd better shut up before you think I'm off my rocker! Diya and I talked of couple other things we thought had to be discussed with you. We concluded that compatibility is very important. I've been writing pages and pages, opening up, so I'll wait for you to reciprocate. Thinking of you
Love
Maya

Bombay, Apr 1
My dearest Mayamol
I'm replying to two or three letters at once. Letters which really keep me going places! Your first letter that took two days to write was waiting for me when I reached home last night. The next that you posted yesterday should come today or tomorrow. It still is a mystery what happened to the two letters you wrote before I came down to see you.
Last night after work, I was at the Kuruvillas'. Kuruvilla and his wife have taken on the responsibility of announcing our love..(that reminds me, I love you, kunjumol). The 25 people there knew what had happened to me even before I reached there. I was half an hour late, reading your letter twice before I went. It was a sweet letter which "put me on top of the world.." borrowed phrase though. So even the regular girls there have now lost interest in Vinod Mathai. Poor me! Gupta, my chief, warns I'm not allowed to flirt anymore in office. "Had I known this, I wouldn't have allowed it even earlier," says he.
Kuruvilla and family will be at our wedding. There are a lot of others too from Bombay. I've been going around telling people about us, at times wondering if I'm overdoing it. Yesterday I met Shariq and Jayesh. Shariq has promised to be there on the 29th. Jayesh tells me I'll cause heartburn to quite a few. Says there were too many aspirants for Kunjumol's hand. When you said "yes," I didn't know I was winning a race too. I'm sure they will all be happy about us. Remember those childhood tales..The Prince rescues the Princess and flees with her while others look on...Thanks for making me feel privileged.
It's evening now. I was waiting all today for the BSNL guys to come and fix our telephone. After that, I went to church for the Good Friday ceremonies. A couple of friends had dropped in after that.
You know, you've come into my life like "Lakshmi." Ever since, whatever I want is done immediately. I couldn't imagine BSNL fixing our phone two days after I called them. We'll have our new number on Monday. And then I'll call to remind you that I love you so much...
I was just wondering what you would ask beginning of May. Probably you'll have to bring it up yourself.
You ask how I bought a double bed so early. I've always only wanted to marry the girl I liked. And I was very sure it would be someone very very special. I was getting ready so that the moment I found my girl I could invite her. And that's exactly what I've done. That photograph was of the house to which you sent the New Year card which changed the entire direction of our lives. That card will remain the most important mail I've received.
When your mother called last evening, I wanted to ask for you. But then, I knew you wouldn't talk much in front of her. Besides, she purposely kept you off the conversation.
How are you going to celebrate your birthday? Remember this will be the last birthday you celebrate without your favourite journalist around. If only I could kiss you on your birthday..Remember your first birthday after we met? Kochi, the empty classroom, the photograph, the moments before that and the party at Hot Spot? I still have those pictures.
It's getting late. Going to be a.m 12 30. I need to wake up early for office. So..be good and take care.
I love you
(Mal script) Vinod

Wed, Apr 6, 9.30am
Dearest
Thank you. For the card. And the letter. I got them yesterday.And loved them. Like I love you(In advertising, you're taught to use short sentences!). Just three more days to meet my new parents. I haven't yet packed. I'm busy, getting stitched and altered the blouse I have to wear Saturday. Usually, I use mummy's, but now it's time I had my own.
1pm: Since morning, we've done nothing but chat at work. The copy cabin's home for all girls in the agency. For lunch today, I have chapati and egg curry. I rolled out the chapatis last night. Do you like egg curry? I know "mol" can mean either daughter or darling(I read this in "Indulekha," the English translation of the Malayalam novel). I hope you mean the latter. If it means the former and you're further miniaturising it into 'little daughter,' I'll have to behave like one!
I'm glad there are people like Kuruvilla and Gupta out there to take you in hand or feed you or warn you away from other women or proclaim our love from the rooftops - till I come! Even I wonder if I'm overdoing it. Gayatri said not to tell anyone till we're engaged. But that's the day before the wedding, so there's no point. She's quite surprised that so many of our colleagues know. She's rather a kid - full of complexes, touchy, so when she's around, I talk only to her and when she isn't, I get to talk to the other girls. Don't call her a kid, ok? She doesn't think so.
8 pm: Each of us sisters has just given Bino a birthday present - he was here just now. Do you know any Syrian Christian/Marthoma/CSI girl for him - he's 27, owns a business, tall, dark, stout(quite!), very innocent and takes good care of his mother, rather childish. And do you know a RC guy for a 25 year-old graduate, 5", working as PA in a hospital, medium old-fashioned, wheatish complexion, even-tempered? (Not you!) Unless she gets married, my colleague((29) can't marry her brother! Don't mention that. And also an RC guy for a 29 year-old government school teacher, not too plump, not ugly, shorter than me. She might soon go to the Gulf.
Poor Vinod! My poor journalist. Slogging in the heat with no one to come home to. I love you. The last two weeks have passed so slowly. How come you have Mass at someone else's house and not in church? Poor you, indeed! Even before you told me, I'd written and asked if there are girls at Kuruvilla's get together - my intuition's not bad.
8.20pm: If this letter reaches you, it'll be written record of the time you made your first STD call from home. Four minutes, I think. I wish people would move out when they know it's your call. I'm sure Shikha knew it was you calling, but she settled down very near. This is my last envelope. I'll use inlands after this. How sad - I've written lots of important things in my previous letter that you haven't got. How mean of them to not let you get the letters. Shouldn't you do an investigative piece on mail pilferage? Imagine if the New Year card I sent you hadn't reached.
Poor Shariq. Is he unhappy? He's always been rather disturbed. Dont quote me. He's rather touchy about people talking of him. The way he related it:"She'll never let you down wherever you are," it sounds like he didn't marry the girl he liked. You ask if you should write to Prem: I think we can safely delegate Brad to write to everyone in our class, leaving us enough time to write each other. What are friends for! I think I'll suggest Brad, Prem or Shibi for the 25 year-old PA..Idea!
Why did Jayesh say there were more aspirants for my hand? How would he know? I didn't know you were a fairy-tale romantic - my gallant Prince. I adore you. And miss you all the time. That "Lakshmi" bit was hilarious. I've seen it in Tamil movies!
You did "kiss" me through the phone on my birthday. You can do it if you call from home, so do it. I've done that often enough for you. Your turn. Don't stay awake too late.
Lots of love

Bombay
7-4-94
My dear Maya
You must be just through with your birthday party. I missed it. I thought of calling you. Later, I changed my mind and settled for a letter for a change. I think I've been calling you too often these days. It's because I miss you.
Today I bought a sofa and coffee table for our drawing room. Had to spend around Rs 6000/-. But it's very good. I'm sure you'll like it. That was the only furniture we needed, and with that the house is quite full. Now there is room left only for you. Still waiting for you to come and fill it up. I love you.
It's time to give you the second round of reactions from our classmates. I told you what Shariq said - that I'm damn lucky and that you'll never let me down in front of anyone. Vikash, I'm told, was shocked. Bishwanath didn't know what to say. Rakesh, our senior, also was rather shocked, it seems.
So finally our wedding stands fixed on the 29th itself. Your mom had called me at work. She told me you were half asleep when I called the previous night. Mummy is sweet. I think she is more pre occupied with our wedding than the two of us.
When are you planning to shop? I don't know when I will. Before that, you've got to tell me what shades you like. I'm waiting for you to be with me, to end this ordeal of having to select clothes for myself.
I just don't know when all your letters will reach me. I think I'm missing more than I get. The only way out is to get you here at the earliest. Till then..
I love you
Yours
Vinod

Bombay
10-4-94
My dear Maya
I received your second letter(after I left Hyderabad) yesterday. That gives me a feeling of relief that I'm not missing all the letters you sent. Should have written back immediately. But I had a friend/distant relative staying overnight. Even otherwise he must have been wondering why I took so long to read your letter. He (Tharakan) is preparing for his civil service exams, my mother's brother-in-law.
By the time you get this, you'll have got back from Kerala. I know you are travelling now(It's 11.45 pm) In fact I had called up your home some two hours ago. Wasn't too sure when you were returning. Shikha picked up the phone to tell me I can talk to you only tomorrow.
Do you know what I was upto yesterday and today? Went for a marriage preparation course! Am told that certificate is a must at the church for our wedding. Would have been nice if you too were around. There were about 50 wanna-be-marrieds. Some were engaged couples. Some were probably on the lookout for a partner. I couldn't belong to either of these categories. Incidentally my parents were seeing you when I was being lectured by the family experts. It was, I think, useful. Maybe we could attend it a second time. There's a booklet on "The things you should know before marriage. Would you like mailed to you?
Believe me, I didn't mean to hurt you when I asked if you were having second thoughts. I need to give you time to get used to my sense of humour(or lack of it) before I shoot my mouth off. But that apart, would you dare have second thoughts? And having given your heart(to me), do you think you'll take it back? It is a warm, loving heart that I managed to steal(though you claim you gave it yourself) on my last trip to Hyderabad. In fact I want you to feel "wonderfully happy" with your heart all lost to someone(your favourite journalist).
I think it's still too early to be worried about what we are going to wear on our first night. But I'm leaving the choice to you. 'Cause I'm really bad at selecting clothes. You need to also tell me which colours I should go for when I buy the suit etc(Hope I manage a decent one, so you won't feel like running away, seeing me).
Why don't you start thinking about a lovely place we could vanish to, after our wedding(others say it's called a honeymoon). I suggest it will be better if we finish all our formalities both in Kerala and Hyderabad, come to Bombay straight, be here at home for a couple of days and then set off to our heaven wherever we decide it's going to be. I don't want to spoil those good moments with too many people aware of our whereabouts.
You rightly judge, I enjoy meeting people. I think it was my nature even when WE first met.You don't have to feel you were trying to keep me all to yourself when I came down. In fact, I feel most privileged. Perhaps I'm too conscious of society and the need to mix. Take care and be good.
Love
Vinod

Apr 12, 7.50 am
Dearest
My first inland letter - and what a perfect one for us, pink for affection. What do I do with all the letter paper Gayatri bought for my birthday? Last night was my first call to 2432925. Now I know it by heart. I was so dumb not to take it to Kerala. I broke my head trying to remember it on the train but ended up guessing so many different numbers which didn't sound right. I'd left in a diary at work.
When I first saw your family, I thought your mother hadn't come but had sent some cousin instead. I also knew that wasn't possible so I very tactfully didn't ask,"ARE you Vinod's mom?" One ponytail, a low-necked blouse, an young face: they threw me off track. Everyone else also thought it was a sister-in-law, not your mom. Everyone means: my eldest uncle and wife and two of their daughters with families and a daughter-in-law, and the maid too. Only after I sat with her some time did I get convinced from her tall. She said she'd told you not to say she'd bought the salwar. And I got confused as to which was your dad and who the other man(later I discovered it's your grandpa) was. But I was quite sober and didn't ask silly questions. She said you have sraddha kuravu(distraction) so you got in the bike accident. I think she meant I shouldn't distract you. My mom and she talked a while about the accident. Take care. I love you.
I found out that your mom eats only dried fish. She didn't eat the fish moilee that my aunt made. Her daughter in law carved salad into floral shapes. They'd really taken trouble and I was feeling quite guilty about it. All this travel, my relatives taking trouble, my parents so pre occupied...Yesterday Timy was talking about making invitations on cloth. I didn't have time to talk to him cos of the office party. I think I'd better call him today or he'll think I'm not talking as he's done with doing everything for me. Don't quote me. Do you have his address? Perhaps you could write too.

Apr 16, 94, 10.45 pm
My dearest Kunjumol(of course, I mean the latter!)
After our line got disconnected a second time, my stupid telephone is just refusing to work. First it was the postman and now it is the telephone. I don't understand what their problem is if we are in love..I love you..umma(Mal script)
11.10pm
When I had finished writing this much, the phone came alive and started ringing. For a second, I thought it would be you. How sad - it wasn't. Our friend Gibin was calling from Kerala to find out if you were already with me. 'Cause, he says he is not getting letters or phone calls from me. I told him our schedules. He said he will try to be in Hyderabad for our engagement.
Before replying your three letters, let me complete what I was telling you on the phone. The priest asked I were married. I told him I would be, SOON. There was a form to be filled up with details of family members. For head of family, I suggested my name. I hope you don't think otherwise or disagree. And when it came to the rest(not of course the tail) of the family, I told him I could give my Kunjumol's name. So he wrote Maya Pathrose for my better half. There were columns for children too, but I thought it was too early. So, as per the church register you are already my ----what? Don't tell anyone. I suppose it's illegal. Moreover people will think we're mad. But..I love you. And so..it's ok.
We are working tomorrow as the Bombay edition of BO is hitting the stands on Monday. But, as I said, we've beaten it. And for that, I need to congratulate you..I'm proud of you.
This afternoon I went to see a house. A brand new one..rather close to where I'm staying. Mr Francis(the owner) has just got possession of it. There is some more work to be completed. The woodwork, painting, electrical fittings, fans etc. He' s promised to finish all that by the end of June. And we are shifting there on the first of July. That's after we are back from our 'neymoon. That reminds me. Where are we going? I'll come back to that later. So the house...Yeah, that's a 2-bedroom flat. One bedroom is bath-attached. Then there is another bigger bathroom opening to the living cum dining room which is fairly large. Now we'll have space. And we're buying a dining table. But maybe after you come. Then there is another bedroom, 3 balconies and a good kitchen. So we can have a good study cum guest room in addition to the bedroom. Start thinking how we are going to set the house. It's on the third floor(the top)and has a beautiful view from the balcony. We'll be paying Rs 2,200 and electricity charges. Can easily stay there for four or five years. By then, we would probably have two kids also. So the house is just right for us.
Now don't tell me I was only RECEIVING kisses. I thought it was the other way - that there were still a few more due from you. So when am I getting them? In fact, today I wanted to kiss you through the phone. I couldn't even say I love you before it got disconnected. My poor Maya. Did that sound too formal?
(Your letter dated Apr 6)
It's 2 o clock at night(Monday). I'm just back from the office after seeing the first edition of our Bombay paper. They started printing at around 12.30. After collecting our copies, we all went to the Oberoi where our publisher Mr Gautam Banerjee is staying. Then there was the normal partying. Champagne, cakes and all that stuff. But more than all that, there was probably every famous(and perhaps one famous in the making..with you behind) financial journalist in Bombay. I have a first copy signed by all our senior editors including V A George.So the day was great. It was good fun, except that I didn't have you to come home to.
Now back to your letter. After reading it, I realise there is great scope if I start a marriage bureau. You're a sweet girl, someone I'm sure I deserve, always wanting to help people around.
This morning, I was going through the week's cast in the Times. Do you know what's in store for your zodiac? "Ganesha says happiness is your birthright and you shall have it. The first few days will show the way the wind will blow - and it will eventually blow your way." As if it's not already blowing your way.
And mine in The Pioneer says: An elegant and creative woman instigates changes in the present work set up for progress and betterment. What an apt one!
Your third letter which reached before the ones you sent later, is, as you said, more descriptive. So there is not much to reply..except that I want to tell you I love you.
But in fact I feel guilty for replying to all your three letters at one go when you've been trying to send me letters very frequently. I'm sure you'll forgive me. 'Cause -- I love you a lot.
Take care and be good
Yours(only)
Vinod
PS: My regards to all at home - Mama, Papa, Shikha, Sheela, Kurien etc. Tell mama that I really liked the way she insisted on and managed an early wedding. Now I know it's really difficult to wait.

Four Years Later..during Maya's second confinement at her parents'
6.30 pm, Kerala, Feb 9, 1998
I'll pretend that I'm kissing
Those lips I'm missing
Dearest --------,
Here's sending all my love to you. The love I gave ever since you asked four years ago. You've become so much a part of me that I almost don't miss you as much as I used to when we were apart earlier in our marriage. Now I know I'll be coming back to you. I look forward to that and am preparing eagerly for that. Planning our life, our happiness. Compiling cheerful songs, planning our meals, taking care of my body and our babies'.
Sweetheart, I'm writing this especially for Valentine's. It becomes more and more important that I consciously set apart time for just the two of us. In my other letters and calls, I talk of our babies and the things we need for our home. They're integral and make "us" more meaningful, I know. And they've given me incredible happiness. But you came before them. They are, because you are. They are a part of us that we will later learn to set free. But you ARE a part of me.
The lines I started this letter with are copied from a book. I've copied several songs into Tharun's baby notebook. Mostly funny, easy to sing and for all of us to sing together. They're lively and cheerful. Besides, they give me something to do while I wait to come back to you..with two babies.
We must put all our letters together and preserve them. After Tharun turns two and I have more time, I'll copy them on a floppy disk. Some of my recent letters have been prosaic. Letters are so important, Vinod. They're a written record of love that you can read over and over..Maybe when we're old and gnarled. Or for our babies when they grow up. Perhaps Tanya will enjoy them more, if it's true that girls are more romantic. If Tharun grows up the same way, I'm sure he will be too. I'm an incurable romantic, Vinod. Though sometimes work ties up the romance.
My favourite fantasy - I now have a little time to fantasize, though less than in the first month after Tharun's birth - is when we will send the kids to our parents and go travelling to green spaces, cool winding mountain roads, bright sunny days. When we'll hold hands or walk with your arm around my waist(like you did on our first year Uni trip to Silent Valley). When you'll kiss me for no reason at all or hug me from behind unexpectedly. Or say 'I love you' other than when we're making love, writing letters or making calls. Vinod, d'you have time to think like this? I don't say this to you anymore 'cos I know you really don't have the time! That's OK because I do love giving love these days, knowing you give love differently. More mature loving.
Valentine's Day deserved more than an inland. You know I'm not allowed to go out to get you a card. This, I hope, will do. Forever yours,
Maya

15/02/98
Dearest -------,
Don't remember how many times I read your Valentine's. And now looking back, I can't really imagine what I would have missed if you weren't mine. Today at church, I was mostly thinking of that. Being grateful to God for our wonderful family. For the most valuable decision I ever made in life.
The more we grow as a family, the more my faith in God is reinforced. The more I believe that everything that happens has a purpose for itself. Four years ago, I proposed to you after not knowing you at all for four long years. I just can't think of one single reason which made me make up my mind in less than probably three hours. It seemed so easy then. And yet today four years later, it looks like a huge gamble which paid me such rich dividends. You, Tanya, Tharun. All that is needed to be happy for life.
I am waiting for you all to come back. Preparing the home and everything else for you. The painting will begin Tuesday and go on for a week, then there's the cleaning and rearranging. I'll also cook some good fish and mushroom the day you arrive.
How are Tanya and Tharun? Is she getting too naughty? Give them both my kisses. Lots of them for you too. Love you,
With all my love
Vinod

Once in a While

Friday, November 20, 2009

A testament

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

pasta frittata buttah

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Love Bites

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