The post on Aug 15 is incomplete.
Aug was a time of fighting withdrawal symptoms from an addiction, and she had much more to say then which was best unsaid. She sought in it a lesson, like she did from all pain: the origin of pleasure.
Apr 29 is the anniversary of a calamitous accident, many years ago, that turned right. It was a miscalculation that cost reputations but brought her her dreams.
June last year saw the discovery of another angle to pleasure which she dared not calculate. As for the withdrawal after that, she learnt to leave it unsaid.
Instead, untaught and unbridled, she went online for anatomy lessons in the new year.
She had always browsed a few dozen recipes before she entertained; scoured every corner of the house thoroughly every week; left no source untapped for any article. She did it for herself now. She explored spaces she had not known. She found out what it was to be truly dominant. It was not just positioning, but precision and deliberation. It was hot, hard work which did not let her mind rest on herself. Perhaps men did want to be subjugated after all. Only here did they want to be equal.
AARGH.
She now looked for mutual submission that dissolved into nothingness, but she was reluctant to do the hot hard work, where she had to think like a man of the pure attainment of the body. She loved more the foreplays of anticipation: they drove her adequately enough into nothingness. Giving back by mastering was an undiscovered origin of pleasure that she wanted to explore.
So she moulded her breasts into her palms. Massaged her scalp with her fingers and her palms, feeling the heat spread, allowing the palms which she had kept away from herself earlier. She found that neem, papaya and honey were not just for her arms and neck..she needed it for the shadows where her thighs began. She discovered a mole on a mound...it was as big as the one on her head, yet she had never looked before.