One can't let go of a whole year without giving it a warm, affectionate farewell.
So many hours and heart-stopping minutes had passed with such swiftly varying emotions that Maya wonders if she is schizophrenic; a split personality who is mom, daughter, wife, grand daughter, sister-in- law, daughter-in-law, niece, sister, lover, girlfriend; completely separate of each other, none approving of each other, except her children, for whom there was no compromise. Her mom did not approve of her brother, her aunt disapproved of her grandmother and wouldn't allow her to talk with her, her sister-in-law disapproved of the mother-in-law and wouldn't allow phone calls with the mother-in-law, her brother disapproved of her community and wanted to create a new one, and her husband disapproved of everyone on the above list.
To keep afloat, Maya pretended nothing disapproving existed and everyone was loved and loving. She craved affection like the kitten whom her husband kept as a young man. "She always climbed into my lap the moment I sat down," he would say. "I would fling her away but she got right back each time. I made it a sport to push her away just to watch her come back."
Except Maya was not a kitten and didn't always come back. She understood his sport, long later, and got back in his lap only rarely to see if he had, perhaps, tired of the sport.
"Love, security, communication, happiness." Her four staple needs, outlined in a statement she made before she got married. If she did not get those, she did not eat, did not sleep, till she did.
Thus Maya spent 2012 creating her own circles of communication. She loved. She lived. She would be no kitten scared. She would be a kitten loved.
But she had to leave her strong, lively women companions behind in another country. And the new country had only cat-women to whom she purred politely and fed tea, listening to their opinions of how immoral the world around was.
She loved still. It was as natural as breathing. And 2013 beckoned, fresh-breathed and scrubbed clean, beautiful and arms wide open.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
How not to be bored in clinics
Hospital routines are insufferable.
After hours of waiting, Maya was ready to throw tantrums, stones and bricks. Did no one else in the clinic feel the same way? She watched them curiously, seeing if she could absorb a little of their patience and not stand up and scream.
Nothing worked.
So she took out her pocket diary and stabbed at it with her pen. In loud capital letters, she wrote fast and furious.
"TURN THIS HOSPITAL ON ITS HEAD. TURN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY ON ITS HEAD. ALL YOU PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM! AM I THE ONLY ONLY ONE WILD WITH IMPATIENCE? I'M WILLING THE NIB OF THIS PEN TO BREAK SO THAT I BREAK NOTHING ELSE, BUT IT REFUSES TO BREAK. All THE PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES ARE BEING CALLED FOR THE SCAN SEEM TO HAVE GONE FOR TEA. ARE THOSE WAITING INSIDE THE ROOM THE IDIOTS?
BIPIN PRABHAKAR! KILL ME WITH YOUR FUCKING. JEREMY, SLAUGHTER ME WITH YOUR LOVING. I NEED YOU BOTH TO SURVIVE THIS. MAYBE NAREN TOO, THOUGH I HATED IT WHEN YOU ASKED IF I LIKE HAIRY CHESTS, BUT YOU'RE CUTE AND I ALMOST KISSED YOU IN THE CORRIDOR THE FIRST TIME WE MET AT THE CONFERENCE. CHEMISTRY IS THE TRUE SCIENCE OF LUST, FOR YOU TOLD ME LATER YOU ALMOST KISSED ME IN THE CORRIDOR. PERHAPS IT WAS THE VERY SAME CHEMICAL MOMENT. I WISH WE HAD TIMED IT, SO I COULD PROVE THAT. (now tired of all caps, and more sober). Two hormones attracted each other and swayed toward each other in the corridor while the guy who had checked me out earlier, walked by, turned around and nearly stopped to watch us, knowing the moment he had wanted with me had been appropriated by another.
Bipin Prabhakar, fuck me crazy. I will throw my head back and and let my neck be bitten off. You will writhe in quietitude while I rip your shirt off and unbutton you, while falling on you in electric moments of tuning my every nerve to every one of yours."
Spent, Maya paused. Her mother had been waiting for her scan since dawn. She relaxed and wrote out a bucket list.
"Make love in
Punjab
Kerala
Sydney
Langkawi
Michigan"
Separate ports. Different men.
Then she graded each of the men. Her parameters were
Hotness
Availability
Tenderness
Ability to share her innermost self
Bipin topped. Jeremy was second. Her first boyfriend was third. (He lost on availability, the playboy having become a preacher). The next two were tied, so she chose to put the Punjabi last.
And then she decided she was losing her mind. But it had been more fun than murdering the clinic staff.
Writing always helps. Especially when you are trying to get over the fact that you could not stop yourself from being attracted to every decent male who said he was attracted. Whether he was boss, husband's friend or preacher.
So today she decided that she would take her brother's job offer. Brotherly restraint at work could keep her from bumping into men in corridors and other ...er...romantic places.
After hours of waiting, Maya was ready to throw tantrums, stones and bricks. Did no one else in the clinic feel the same way? She watched them curiously, seeing if she could absorb a little of their patience and not stand up and scream.
Nothing worked.
So she took out her pocket diary and stabbed at it with her pen. In loud capital letters, she wrote fast and furious.
"TURN THIS HOSPITAL ON ITS HEAD. TURN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY ON ITS HEAD. ALL YOU PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM! AM I THE ONLY ONLY ONE WILD WITH IMPATIENCE? I'M WILLING THE NIB OF THIS PEN TO BREAK SO THAT I BREAK NOTHING ELSE, BUT IT REFUSES TO BREAK. All THE PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES ARE BEING CALLED FOR THE SCAN SEEM TO HAVE GONE FOR TEA. ARE THOSE WAITING INSIDE THE ROOM THE IDIOTS?
BIPIN PRABHAKAR! KILL ME WITH YOUR FUCKING. JEREMY, SLAUGHTER ME WITH YOUR LOVING. I NEED YOU BOTH TO SURVIVE THIS. MAYBE NAREN TOO, THOUGH I HATED IT WHEN YOU ASKED IF I LIKE HAIRY CHESTS, BUT YOU'RE CUTE AND I ALMOST KISSED YOU IN THE CORRIDOR THE FIRST TIME WE MET AT THE CONFERENCE. CHEMISTRY IS THE TRUE SCIENCE OF LUST, FOR YOU TOLD ME LATER YOU ALMOST KISSED ME IN THE CORRIDOR. PERHAPS IT WAS THE VERY SAME CHEMICAL MOMENT. I WISH WE HAD TIMED IT, SO I COULD PROVE THAT. (now tired of all caps, and more sober). Two hormones attracted each other and swayed toward each other in the corridor while the guy who had checked me out earlier, walked by, turned around and nearly stopped to watch us, knowing the moment he had wanted with me had been appropriated by another.
Bipin Prabhakar, fuck me crazy. I will throw my head back and and let my neck be bitten off. You will writhe in quietitude while I rip your shirt off and unbutton you, while falling on you in electric moments of tuning my every nerve to every one of yours."
Spent, Maya paused. Her mother had been waiting for her scan since dawn. She relaxed and wrote out a bucket list.
"Make love in
Punjab
Kerala
Sydney
Langkawi
Michigan"
Separate ports. Different men.
Then she graded each of the men. Her parameters were
Hotness
Availability
Tenderness
Ability to share her innermost self
Bipin topped. Jeremy was second. Her first boyfriend was third. (He lost on availability, the playboy having become a preacher). The next two were tied, so she chose to put the Punjabi last.
And then she decided she was losing her mind. But it had been more fun than murdering the clinic staff.
Writing always helps. Especially when you are trying to get over the fact that you could not stop yourself from being attracted to every decent male who said he was attracted. Whether he was boss, husband's friend or preacher.
So today she decided that she would take her brother's job offer. Brotherly restraint at work could keep her from bumping into men in corridors and other ...er...romantic places.
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