It's becoming quite important to feel clean to feel sexy...And it gets harder and harder to feel clean when priorities are to feed, clean and clothe three dependents and the house before doing all that to me. So when I act cold, it means that I'm not feeling cleanly sexy, not that he's unattractive..saying that reminds me, I'm hungry(but I must cook before I eat), I'm dirty(but I first need to clean house before I bathe, I've only cleaned the bird-shitty porches) and before I bathe I have to make papaya-honey scrub for my allergy, and cook dinner..and pasta for tea. So until all that finishes, I'm unlikely to feel sexy...

There's a longing in me, for being with him..just two more hours, but I am restless, though I still have to make rasam, get pretty..just thinking of being with him. Knowing that my time will soon be cluttered with many demands makes it keener. Sometimes I call just to hear his voice, even when I can't talk, like today when I've lost my voice. I tell my niece, it was the deep, deep voice which called me long-distance often that seduced me with its warmth, made me melt in the autorickshaw in which I picked him up from the railway station. Like he was already mine, and I dreaded his going back though he had just come.